Yesterday’s lesson was …’never ask your husband to do things when he is tired and hungry.’ The bible tells the story of the prophet Elijah who became tired and couldn’t think straight. 1 Kings chapter 19 tells how he had to eat and rest. So, I learned that a husband does much better after he is fed and rested.
Today’s lesson is on the tongue. Have you ever heard this statement? ‘I just wanted him to listen to me, not fix it.’ I had a hard time learning this lesson. There is a place inside us wives where we want to talk about things. We sometimes want to totally unload our thoughts and burdens. Yet, the husband was not meant to be a sounding board. His first thought is ‘How can I fix this for her?’ I truly believe God created an instinct in men to be a ‘knight in shining armor’. It is very deflating to them when they learn we just wanted to use them for a sounding board. I wonder if that is how they learned to throw up their hands and say ‘Talk to the hand’?
So many times Shermy would say 'If you don't want my advice then why are you telling me this?' It's not a lack of love. In fact, if I didn't stop hhim, he would spend the entire week trying to figure out a problem that isn't there. Husbands want to please us. This is just not their territory. It's more like us using the wrong tool[or person] for the job. Keep reading and you'll get my drift.
Have you watched their eyes glaze over and just seem to be waiting until you are finished talking?
It’s also very frustrating for the wife as well. She has all this pent up feelings and emotions and has no where to put it. This is exciting! I will tell you what the Lord showed me! The bible tells us here in Matthew…
New International Version
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
I am not saying to hold off sharing things with that husband of yours. But, he does not have to listen to a complete diary of your day. You see, there are certain things your husband does not need to know. There are things he does not know what to do with. It’s like overloading a machine with too much information. It will spit and sputter and try to fix itself but it ends up just a big mess.
Some women get upset with their husband’s response and then go to their friends or family to unload. That is how gossip was invented. Proverbs 10:19 says this. ‘When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.’
You will get all sorts of advice. A few days later your story will be shared. You shared your burden and now feel relief. But, the person you shared it with now carries it around. You have enjoyed sharing and in a day, probably have forgotten all about it. Then that person comes back and reminds you of it. Not so good…
But, if you spend time with the Lord and tell him what is in your heart, you can be assured that He will give you what no husband or friend or relative is capable of giving. He will give you the peace that passes understanding. The Lord is also going to show you your heart. He will give you knowledge and go beyond carrying your thoughts for the day. I do not write in diaries. Instead, I talk to the Lord during the day, and spend time with Him. I found this cuts down on 75% of my marital arguments as well.
My husband’s knick name has always been ‘Mr. Fixit’ because he is handy around tools and things. Yet, there is a place in me that only God can fix. The Lord made us women that way. He knew we would need to communicate and express ourselves and He knew he was the best and only one who could handle our emotional selves.
He is the best sounding board. Plus, He wants to listen to you. Husbands are a wonderful gift from God, but if God is not your first love…you will be disappointed in any man. He is imperfect and not equipped to be God.