Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sunday morning

Sunday mornings are always filled with land mines for the believer. This is when we are hurrying to go and worship our Lord in spirit and in truth and yet are tested before we even get into the car.

If Weez is going to have a bad hair day, it will always be Sunday morning. If Sherm is going to spill eggs on his clothes it will usually be Sunday morning before church. As a rule, the ketchup miraculously escapes it’s destination to land on his clothes while the two are enjoying an early morning restaurant meal. This means a quick trip home.

The two have given up trying to dress as a couple. That is when the husband’s shirt matches his wife’s dress. It’s a nice touch, but this couple has learned it rarely ends up the way it was planned.

If Sherm is going to cut himself shaving, it will be on a Sunday morning. This is so he can wear toilet tissue on his face to church. It makes for lovely conversation as he greets new people.

Weez watches her steps carefully as she walks outdoors on Sunday morning. On one sunny morning she walked on the grass to look at some new budding flowers and accidently stepped in a red ant hill. Sherm heard the scream and quickly lifted her white dress and made long sweeps down both legs. They were living on a golf course at the time and no more than five golfers stopped to watch Sherm shaking out the dress as Weez hopped around on one foot removing her sandals.

Another time, Weez stepped into something brown and squishy. Folks thought it odd that she went into church barefoot, until she was spotted washing her sandals in the church’s ladies’ room sink.

In an effort to make Sunday mornings go more smoothly, Weez chooses her wardrobe, lays out her bible, and checks her purse. The purse is essentially the Sunday tool kit. In it we must have breath mints, dental floss, combs, pen, paper, extra lip gloss, tissues, extra watch in case they forget to wear one. [Turning to the back of the sanctuary to see the time during the service is frowned on]. Next, they check to make sure Weez has a sweater in case church is cold.

Weez makes sure Sherm has his tithe check, wallet, and turns cell phone off. No one needs to get a text message about a sale at Kmart during the service…again. Weez takes a water bottle in case their throats dry out after singing praise and worship songs. They grab their bible and get in the car.

Seat belts are fastened and off they go. They go to the gas station because they forgot to get gas the night before. Still, they are usually early for church. Weez usually opens her bible and closes her eyes. Such a picture of tranquility, until Jeff wakes her up for church!

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