Thursday, March 4, 2010

Marriage Chuckles

A couple that chuckles together can weather any storm. Weezy and Sherm is just such a couple. They are a middle aged couple. The children are raised and gone. Now, when the milk is left on the counter they have no one to blame. They look at one another and ask “Did you do this?” Weezy sometimes can’t remember and Sherm tries to make believe he didn’t do it!

The two go grocery shopping together. Weezy pushes the grocery cart as Sherm puts things in. As they round the corner, Weezy removes some of things Sherm has put in. Pepperoni sticks, hotdogs, and cheese spread. She puts in chocolate cookies, doughnuts and corn flakes. Sherm looked at the cart before they pulled up to the counter. “Hey, where are my pepperoni sticks?” he asks. “We’re on a budget dear. We have to be careful what we buy!” Sherm doesn’t notice the cookies and doughnuts. “Oh, yeah!” he replies.

In the morning Sherm wakes up with a pain from sciatica. As he’s limping around the house, his wife tells him that he reminds her of the story of Jacob wrestling with God. “You remember that story? God touched him in the hip and to this day the Jews don’t eat ham hocks!” Sherm shakes his head. “No, that’s pork loin.” Weezy fired back, “You don’t eat either so what’s the difference?”

Sherm hardly ever asks for directions. Now, the couple has a GPS tracking system. But, Sherm frequently finds himself taking a different route. This causes the GPS to say, “Off route. Recalculating”. Weezy sits back and listens while Sherm yells at the GPS. In the old days, she used to try to navigate with a map and they’d get into an argument. Weezy reaches up and pats the GPS. “Now, don’t get upset GPS, he never followed my directions either!” Sherm stops at a red light and looks at his wife. “I’m NOT lost! I know right where I am.” He looks out the window and sees the street sign. “Boulderash” he says. “Balderdash” his wife replies!

Sometimes, the laundry gets misplaced in their little home. It’s never lost really. Socks show up stuck to Sherm’s T shirts at times. More often than not, Weezy’s clothes get mixed up with Sherm’s in the bureau. “Weezy! I can’t find my blue shirt. Where’d you put it?” Sherm tears the closet apart and goes to the closet in the spare bedroom. He returns to his closet and hollers out “Weezy, where is my shirt?” Weezy appears behind him, causing him to jump. “How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me?”

“You called for me so I figured you were expecting me!” she answers. “What are you looking for?”

Sherm has now gone over his stress limit. “I’ve been looking for my blue shirt! “ Weezy points to the shirt hanging in the closet in front of his hand. “Do you mean this one?” she asks quietly. Sherm’s face turns red as he stares in shock. “ I hate it when do you do that?” he asks.

The refrigerator is a foreign country to most husbands. The pantry is the same. “Weezy, where is that bottle of hot sauce we bought?” He stands in front of the pantry. Weezy starts to laugh. “Honestly Sherm, are you expecting a hand to come out at you with the hot sauce? Try moving things a little. It’s behind the oatmeal!”

For some reason the couple wakes up at times at 3 a.m. Lying in the darkness they whisper in conversation. After talking for about five minutes, Sherm asks “Why are we whispering?” Laughter erupts. “We started doing this when the kids were little and we didn’t want to wake them up.”

Weezy and Sherm have been together for so long that they finish each other’s sentences. One day while at the beach they sat in lounge chairs watching the ocean. “Do you want to…?” “Yeah, that would be fun.” “Are you…” “No, maybe in an hour or so.” “Look at…” “I see it!” “Isn’t He…” “All the time!”

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